I'll make this brief. Today, as I traversed the Sony lot in the rain, in search of postage stamps and Andy Capp's Cheese Fries,
I happened to overhear a marvelous mistake about to happen! Worse, even, than my own decision to eat an entire bag of Andy Capp's Cheese Fries.
How can you hear a mistake about to happen, you probably didn't ask? Imagine you are walking behind a woman with a leopard print umbrella, who's also wearing an understated black trench so as to (almost?) get away with said leopard print umbrella. And suppose coming this way towards the both of you is a tiny Kristin Chenoweth-ish blonde in a leopard print trenchcoat. Suppose Trenchcoat, as we'll call her, exclaims to Umbrella, "Oh my God, WHERE did you get that amazing umbrella?" - all smiles, a crazy reality-show-contestant-esque twinkle in her eye:
Umbrella responds, "Ya know, I got it years ago I don't even remember where," probably trying delicately to save Trenchcoat from herself. Suppose Trenchcoat then goes, "Darn! I was thinking...I need that umbrella to go with my coat!" Ha! Insane laughter follows!
I tense every muscle in my face so as to stop myself from exclaiming: "NO! That'd be way too matchy matchy! Don't do it! You'll look like an idiot!":
But you know she's going to go out and find a leopard print umbrella somewhere. And wear it with the trenchcoat. And you know she's not going to stop there because one mistake so often begets another. And because somewhere, in a Marshalls or a Payless, there's a pair of leopard print galoshes.
Thank God it only rains but ten days a year in Los Angeles. I only hope this woman doesn't have children.
Also, I'm mean! Also, in a future blog I'm going to discuss how LA is full of people who essentially think it's okay to wear the Andy Capp's cap.